RUBY
“People would say ‘how can you still have an accent even though you’ve lived here for 20 years?’
I get really self conscious about it, because people mention it a lot. It’s like you’re not doing good enough, because you still have an accent after you’ve been here for so long.”
Sunday 29th August, 2021
Ruby is finishing teaching a ceramic class in New Farm, Brisbane. I spend time admiring her incredible ceramic sculptures and vases on the shelves until she finishes up. We walk down to a lake nearby and find a nice shady spot in the park. We lay out a rug and begin chatting, observing people walking their dogs along the footpath.
E: Ruby, can you tell me a little bit about your cultural background?
R: I was born in Taiwan and moved here when I was 11 years old. I didn’t speak any English until I came to Australia and I've been here for over 20 years. I feel more Australian in a way than being Taiwanese, as I only spent the first 10 years of my life in Taiwan. There’s a lot of memories from Taiwan that I really cherish and it does affect who I am today. Sometimes it feels like you're not Taiwanese enough, or Australian enough, you’re kind of stuck in between.
I have Chinese heritage because my grandparents originated from China, but my parents and I were born in Taiwan. How many generations until you feel like you’re not associated with China, even though you still have cultural traditions and influences from China?
E: Where did you first move to in Australia?
R: Brisbane - My mum moved here in the year 2000 and my brother was born in Australia that same year. Brisbane temperature is very similar to Taiwan which is a big reason why a lot of Taiwanese people immigrate to Brisbane.
In school I just followed my classmates around, the first year was grade 7 and it was a bit confusing. I had ESL (English as Second Language) teachers and my mum made me do extra work outside of school to catch up. She bought every single book from the newsagents, you know how they have those stands with all the green and blue activity workbooks. I’m pretty sure she bought every single grade and then made me do them after school for an extra 2-3 hours trying to catch up on english.
Grade 8 was super confusing, I went to Brisbane State High and it was a massive school. I didn’t have many friends and felt pretty alone. I tried to write down everything the teachers said in my diary but it was just so hard. I just kind of wandered between classes, and at lunchtime the music, art block and library is usually where I'd go.
E: Do you have a strong connection to your Taiwanese culture?
R: I think through food. Within a lot of Asian cultures, food is such a main part of your culture. We have the Moon Festival and Dragon Boat Festival, there are all these different things to do with the season. Particular food is associated with each festival and it's usually the time when your family gets together and celebrates.
My grandma taught me how to make Zong Zi 粽子, which is glutinous rice with pork, peanuts, and you wrap it in banana leaves and string to be steamed. A lot of my childhood memories in Taiwan are of food. My dad used to go out in the middle of night because food is still available, and eat soup dumplings. It is so good, I remember the taste and I can’t find anything that tastes as good here. Another memory is going to the market with my grandma, not like supermarkets but more chaotic markets where people yell out things and bargain.
I remember going to the butcher and I knew where my chicken came from, because they sold them alive and when we got home it was not alive (laughs)... things like that. And my grandma would be like don't ask, we don't do the butchering.
E: Do you have many memories when you lived in Taiwan?
R: Taiwan is two thirds mountain, so most people live on 1/3 of the land. I lived in the middle of the countryside, close to a mountain and a tea house. It wasn’t a fancy tea house like you imagine in the movies, it was just a building. Older people would go there to do some exercise in the park, drink tea and chat. The playground was literally a metal bar shaped like a horse, that’s all I'd get (laughs). There’s a massive slide as well, that’s made of stone and carved into the mountain. It's really awesome.
I’d get to eat Taiwanese Tea Eggs with my grandpa on the weekends. Because it’s a tea house they use the tea leaves and cook hard boiled eggs in tea, soy sauce and flavouring. I still make them now because it was such a big part of my life when I was a kid. You boil them a little bit, crack the shell, put it back to boil in this tea soy sauce brew and keep it brewing. It forms all these really nice patterns from where the eggshell cracked and it’s stained by the soy sauce in the tea. When you open it up it's like a marble egg - It's very Taiwanese.
E: Was there much of a Taiwanese community when your family came to Brisbane?
R: I think so - we had family friends but it wasn't big. I have a lot of family friends now who I grew up with. My friend’s mum used to help me when my mum wasn't here. She would cook me extra lunch and get my friends to bring it to school. I just feel like I had so many mums. So nowadays, I pay for them to do some art things together and have them over to my house for tea.
A really good (Taiwanese) friend of my mum’s - we met when I was in primary school. We’re still in touch and I treat their kids as my younger sister and brothers. They call me big sister. So it's nice to have that kind of connection, especially in a foreign country where you don't know anyone. It is easy to make connections and try to help each other.
E: Are your mum and dad still strongly connected to Taiwanese traditions and culture?
R: I think they are both connected to Taiwanese and Australian culture. Maybe that's also why I got Ruby as a name, because that wasn't my birth name.
E: What's your birth name?
R: My birth name is Yu-Lu. It's hard to say but even my mum and dad don’t call me that anymore. Everyone just calls me Ruby. It just became part of me, and my Chinese name is my middle name. I really try to make sure I put my middle Chinese name in when filling out forms. The more you do it, the more official it becomes. People say ‘why is your name so hard to say?’ There's still some workplaces that make up names for you because they can't say your Asian name. Unless you're the one who says ‘I don't mind if you call me this name,’ then it’s fine. But if you just decide for the person, then it’s not okay.
E: What do you feel have been your primary challenges growing up?
R: I think learning English and making friends. As a new immigrant family we had no connections and venturing into art was pretty adventurous for me. I didn't know anyone doing art and none of my family knew people doing art. I couldn’t have imagined getting to exhibitions and curators inviting me to do exhibitions. I just think it's amazing because I had no connections. I think part of being an immigrant family is making connections, making your own circle and finding your way into society. Initially, you would just stay within Taiwanese communities, but then you start venturing out a little bit more.
I remember going to Melany with my family and someone assumed my husband was our tour guide, because we're all Asian and he isn’t. I just said back to the person ‘That's a little bit racist.’ My mom told me to keep quiet if someone says something because they don’t like confrontations. I think it's very typical for Asian people to do that. We’ll stay quiet, have no trouble and have a peaceful life. Even if you face a little bit of racism but you don't have other big troubles, then it's better.
I find we (Asians) are more sensitive. We're actually more aware of our environment and actions as a minority. You have to be mindful about where you are and your surroundings, because you feel like you're responsible for your community. Everyone is a representation of your community.
I knew there was a bit of anti-Asian when Covid-19 first happened and I was trying to stay away from people because I didn't want them to be like ‘oh, stay away from me because you’re Asian.’ I was preventing confrontations. It's interesting because I told my husband Marcel and it never occurred to him that I was paying so much attention. It's just my experience growing up here and preventing more trauma.
There's so many things that you’re more aware of as a Person of Colour and female, whether it’s knowing where the closest exit is, or people thinking you’re exotic - it's layers and layers.
I’ve had white guys come up to me and just start speaking different languages, and ask ‘What are you? Which one are you?’ And I'm like, ‘What? I can speak English.’
I had a camping experience where my husband and I went further out into the Australian countryside, which is usually when you get a lot of interesting comments. This white guy at the campsite was just having a chat with us and we told him we’re from Brisbane. He asked which part, and at the time my family was living in Sunnybank, which is so typical - all the Asian food is there. The guy said ‘Oh yeah, I grew up in Sunnybank, but then moved out because it got taken over by you people.’
It was weird, he was so nice to me though and didn't realise what he said. It was just casually in conversation. People don't realise that racism doesn't just have to be people yelling ‘Go back to your country.’ That’s part of it but most of the time, it's just casual comments.
‘Oh, you don't look Australian, you have an accent.’ I get that a lot because I still have an accent. People would say ‘how can you still have an accent even though you’ve lived here for 20 years?’ I get really self conscious about it, because people mention it a lot. It’s like you’re not doing good enough, because you still have an accent after you’ve been here for so long.
A really common one is ‘Oh, wow. Your English is really good.’ When I say yeah, I've been here for 20 years, they ask ‘Oh, but you still have an accent.’ It’s like, what do you want from me?
E: How have some of your challenges impacted you today?
R: How I’ve met you and other Asian kids growing up in Australia, when you start talking it’s like ‘omg I had similar experiences to you.’ My friends who are caucasian would not understand or say I’m just being over sensitive, but I did experience it. When I talk to my Asian friends it’s like ‘oh yeah my family did this’ and I'm like ‘yeah my family did that too!’ You feel more like you belong. You can talk about things that no one else understands.
I was lucky because my school was very multicultural so it was easy, people could easily find their little groups. It was a big school so you had more population in the school to do that. Obviously in the beginning it was hard for me because I couldn't speak English, but eventually I did find my quirky group.
I had a friend who told me she was really emotional throughout her time growing up in Australia, because she just wanted someone to look like her and understand how she felt. There was a period of time where she wanted the support but couldn't get it. But now we are in our 30s and you can find your own support and people who understand you.
E: Yes because you’re still trying to form your identity. Already being a teenager is hard, then adding all these other complexities on top of that is really difficult.
R: I think it’s amazing for my friends having kids now, there are so many diverse, mixed race couples and when their kids go to school it’ll be so cool because it’s much more diverse. They will have more community for themselves because they can grow up with someone and ask ‘oh what do you have (lunch)’ and they can say ‘pasta with dumplings’, or ‘curry with spag bowl’ (laughs).
The kids now are so lucky because people recognise same sex marriage, schools embrace queer identity, or making sure if kids want to change their name or have pronouns to ask them. I do a survey as well, I just ask the kids what’s your preferred pronoun. I get a lot of kids saying ‘I prefer this pronoun but please when you talk to my parents use the normal word.’ School becomes a space where they can talk about it and the teachers try really hard to stick to what the kids want.
E: What do you embrace about your Taiwanese culture?
R: I think food; bubble teas from Taiwan.
E: Where’s your favourite bubble tea spot?
R: Hihi Desserts in West End, Brisbane. It’s so Taiwanese, because in Taiwan there's a lot of students that go and get bubble tea, study after school and hang out, so that’s the space they’ve created. I usually get Oolong milk tea with pudding. If I feel luxury I add grass jelly, I actually grew up with grass jelly and rice milk.
E: Within your identity now, what do you embrace about being Asian and growing up in Australia?
R: I think we live in a good era and there's a bit more people wanting to connect. I'm quite open about it, I have people come up to me and say, I really like how you share on social media about how you feel and your experiences. Someone told me yesterday that they found that really encouraging. Instead of feeling like I don't fit in both, now I feel lucky because I have both. I don't completely feel Chinese. I don't completely feel Australian, I'm just both.
Being oversensitive is not a bad thing because if you are empathetic and understanding, that's how you make the world better. I feel like all these negative experiences I've had, even though I wouldn't recommend people to go through it, but if I didn't have them maybe I'd just be a really arrogant person (laughs).
CULTURAL ARTEFACTS:
Jade bracelet: The jade bracelet given to me from my mom. It's not as common for girls to wear it now, but in traditional Chinese culture, parents give Jade to their daughters as protection. It's something you get given as a kid, it grows with you and the jade will change colour. You don't let other people wear your bracelet, it's yours and your parents give it to you. In Taiwan when you marry the daughter out, you get all the jewellery you can find and they wear it on their wedding day. That's their private treasure. My family was not so traditional in that aspect, but my other Taiwanese friend who got married said she almost died from the heaviness of all the jewellery her mum put on her (laughs). I think it's because in the old days when you marry out, you don't have your own money, so if something happens the jewellery is yours.
Ceramics: This represents who I am now, doing art. My mom told me last year her family was originally from a part of China that was a famous pottery town, Jingdezhen 景德鎮. Her great grandfather was a potter and did production pottery and it's what her family used to do back in the day in China.